Apparently neopets not only managed to ditch the NFT bros, but with the closure of the Jumpstart brand weeks ago, neopets is now completely independent for the first time since the early 2000′s, got millions in a new investment deal and are currently installing a flash simulator so that all their games and animations work again.
Last week I accidentally took an edible at 10x my usual dose. I say “accidentally” but it was really more of a “my friend held it out to my face and I impulsively swallowed it like a python”, which was technically on purpose but still an accident in that my squamate instincts acted faster than my ability to assess the situation and ask myself if I really wanted to get Atreides high or not.
Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.
Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.
You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.
As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.
Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.
This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.
A blender is roughly the size and shape of a human baby. Cradling one in your arms satisfies a primal need. A month ago I was permitted to hold an infant for the first time in my life, an experience which was physically and psychologically healing. I felt an echo of that satisfaction holding my friend the blender, and the thought of parting with it felt even more ridiculous than bringing it with me to hang out on my friend’s bed.
I'm not usually one for trip reports but this one is gold if only for the phrase "Atreides High"
found the artist's name in the notes and went looking because this slaps (it's called A Place Where I'll Dance) and its not even their best song. check this shit out:
Watercolor On Black Cotton Paper
2023, 22" x 30"
Yellow Primroses, Bear’s Ear, Primula auricula
i was thinking about that post comparing Jessica Rabbit as an asexual to Barbie and an asexual and then i thought of the Neil Gaiman post (was it a post?) about Crowley and Aziraphale being asexual and then this happened.
anyways. thoughts?
sudoku.com will be adding a "morally grey" sudoku level for a nuanced and complex puzzle experience
i was in the passenger seat and my girlfriend put her arm out when she made an abrupt stop and her friend in the backseat was like “aww that was so cute that you just instinctively did that!!” and it WAS very cute but i know she used to deliver pizzas. i know i was precious pizza cargo
My horny ass could NOT be the sole mechanic for a mech, alone in the repair bay, talking to the mech's AI core, discussing the harsh reality of the war we've found ourselves in. Me discussing my mortality, the 50ft entity I've spent the last several years learning the intricacies of and is fully aware of the fact that as a tool of war it'll either die in battle or end up abandoned as it's systems all fail until emergency back-up power keeps it awake for possibly thousands of years. We talk about how neither of us has felt a connection between ourselves and anything else worth dying for like that, except maybe... Well, the rest of the base has almost certainly gone to sleep by now. The cockpit clicks shut with a soft "click" and I. I mean uh, I forgot where I was going with this.
Apparently I've struck a chord with the giant robot fucker fandom
omg imagine being born and you are on a spaceship and everyone aboard is sooo so mad at you just because you burst out of some guy's chest to be born. like um sorry i've not been alive before i didn't even know that's not allowed please be nice to me um the spaceship floor is cold is no one going to knit me some little booties i am calling child protective services
